Worst of all seemed to be those times I tried, for reasons of my own sanity, to check out my perceptions of peoples' vaguely hostile/angry/upset-with-me energy ("I'm not feeling anything like that, you're really being too weird! I can't believe you really think that!").

I remember, too, countless occasions when I've given myself a hard time for noticing what I'd noticed, feeling what I'd felt, saying what I'd said. Always, I did this because my noticing, feeling or saying whatever it was so seemed to distress, overwhelm, or threaten other people Or, to give other people something with which to judge themselves wanting. So many times in the past I've made myself smaller, "dimmed my lights," tried to be less or less likely to give offense.

It never really worked to help the other person feel any better about me or the situation. And, inevitably, I would come away from the encounters filled with self-criticism. Loathing myself for being who/how I was. For betraying my own truth/needs/self in my trying not to create circumstances in which others might feel discomforted or diminished.

It's taken me many years and lots of inner work to come to understand that when someone tells me I'm being "too" anything, what they're really saying it that I'm "too" whatever it is for them to feel comfortable around. And, I've learned that it's really never okay to betray or abandon myself just because someone else finds it hard to be around me as I am in my fullness (of joy, sorrow, anger, confusion, whatever).

These days, I might feel sad, disappointed or regretful that they find it hard to be around my energy. I might even feel irritated or frustrated that they choose to judge my behavior instead of being able to acknowledge their own difficulties coping with what my being all of myself stirs in them.

Most times, I'm likely to respond by letting the person know that I understand that they're finding my way of being problematic for them in the moment. I'm usually willing to listen if they want to talk about what their discomfort might be about in them. If they're unwilling or unable to engage at that level, I'm always more than willing to consider leaving the shared space. Whenever staying in the shared space with another asks that I pay the price of abandoning my wholeness, I will always choose to leave to be with myself.

We've all had many times in our lives when someone's told us that we were being just too something-or-other. Our most immediate response usually tends to be to constrict, to feel badly about ourselves and our behavior. We usually move quickly to consider how we might stop ourselves from being that “too” whatever.

Instead of this knee-jerk response, we can encourage ourselves to remember the truth about such comments. Namely, that they are always more about the other person's unease or discomfort with our behavior than about our behavior. Their judgmental comments are intended (not necessarily consciously) to get us to constrict ourselves so that they can regain their preferred comfort level. It's really not our job to comply!

When we shave off parts of ourselves trying to become the person that we think the other will better like or accept, we always know that the "who" they then like isn't the "who" we truly are. And, in the process, we are rejecting the "who" we truly are. This always diminishes us.

As we practice letting ourselves just be who we are-all of who we are-we learn to more fully accept ourselves. This is the acceptance we need most of all. This is the acceptance that can heal us!

Consider hearing judgmental comments about your behavior as messages telling you something significant about the judging person rather than as conveying any “truth” about you. And, consider practicing letting yourself just be exactly who you are.

P.S. So many of your delicious e-mails send appreciations for the affirmation, support and nourishment you receive from the site. When I answer them, I don’t always remember to let you know that having your own deck of the Rememberings and Celebrations cards is a way to bring this same loving voice into your everyday world, to have it at hand as you need to remind yourself of the "real" truth moment to moment in the crazimakingness of the so-called real world!

© For the Little Ones Inside - All Rights Reserved

The card on this page is part of a set of 64 handcolored bookmark-size cards called the Rememberings and Celebrations deck. They can be used as an oracle, a meditation focus or a "book-in-pieces" to kindle and grow a compassionate, gentle, unconditionally loving, fiercely protective inner-Mother to help you carve safe healing space for your emerging self and for the wounded little ones inside.

If you'd like a deck of your very own to support you in your journey, click here to download Order Form.

Please feel free to e-mail me at rposin@hotmail.com. to share your reflections and responses to any or all of what you find here . I'd really like to hear what touches and nourishes you!.