For many years of my life I, like most well acculturated women, felt responsible for the emotional and physical well being of everyone around me. I'd need to feel that everyone else was taken care of – feeling comfortable, happy, entertained, engrossed in something enjoyable, etc. – before I could begin to think or feel my way into what I might need or want for my self. It was only rarely that I got to my self. Even more rarely that I got to my self with enough energy to actually explore me. And, since I'd neither birthed nor raised children (toward whom some of this kind of responsibility might be appropriate), everyone-else was most often a reasonably competent being of at least my own age.

Many times I'd remain in conscious oblivion about needs I know that I had in order not to have them get in the way of my care-taking commitment. I lived in fear of being seen as selfish. That is, as wanting to do or not do something, to be or not be some way that, while it might please my self, wouldn't also please whoever was around me.

My devotion to this impossible agenda left me quite depleted, often frustrated and, as well, resentful if my efforts seemed to no avail. More often than not, I was uncomfortable, unhappy, un-engrossed in anything other than trying – with varying degrees of success – to take care of everyone else. Or, I’d be trying, at the very least, not to displease anyone else.

In my early thirties, I felt a welling up of despair, a fear that I might never feel good about or at peace with my self. This, despite all I was doing and being for and with the others about whom I cared and despite all the external trappings of my outward successes. It was a critical time of turning inward, the beginning of a conscious journey to both uncover and discover my own self: What I might think, feel, need or want at any given moment.

In the more than thirty-seven years since that turning, I've chosen more and more to risk exploring my self instead of trying to disappear my self into the selflessness I was taught was praiseworthy in women. I've gone inward to listen to and come to know my own self. As I’ve traveled inward, I've gradually become quite adept at taking good care of my self. I discover that I am quite capable of providing comfort, happiness, entertainment and engrossing enjoyment for my self. And, what I can provide for my self is deeper and more lasting nourishment than either that which I could provide for someone else or that which they could provide for me.

As I do better at this, I understand how much of it is something we can do best for ourselves. Much of comfort, happiness and feeling enlivened, entertained or engrossed enjoyably is basically an inside job: Not something you can create in someone outside of yourself or that someone outside of you can create in you.

As we get better at knowing and taking good care of ourselves, there is an overflowing of our well-nourished energy that spreads out into the world. Our giving comes from fullness rather than our need to feel okay about ourselves. This brings loving support to other beings as they themselves do their own work of becoming responsible for knowing and taking exquisitely good care of themselves.

Consider spending some time turning the light of your finely tuned sensitivity toward your very own self. Then, practice taking the very best care of your very own self. It's the greatest gift you can give to all beings on this planet.

P.S. So many of your delicious e-mails send appreciations for the affirmation, support and nourishment you receive from the site. When I answer them, I don’t always remember to let you know that having your own deck of the Rememberings and Celebrations cards is a way to bring this same loving voice into your everyday world, to have it at hand as you need to remind yourself of the "real" truth moment to moment in the crazimakingness of the so-called real world!

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The card on this page is part of a set of 64 bookmark-size cards called the Rememberings and Celebrations deck. They can be used as an oracle, a meditation focus or a "book-in-pieces" to kindle and grow a compassionate, gentle, unconditionally loving, fiercely protective inner-Mother to help you carve safe healing space for your emerging self and for the wounded little ones inside.

If you'd like a deck of your very own to support you in your journey, click here to download Order Form.

Please feel free to e-mail me at rposin@hotmail.com. to share your reflections and responses to any or all of what you find here . I'd really like to hear what touches and nourishes you!