Walking through the arcade area at the San Francisco Airport some years ago on my way to the restrooms, I was listening to a very loudly, ragefully screaming little person. So was everyone else I passed, most of them with considerable head shaking. Almost all wore expressions of outrage, indignation, or condemning judgment that such temper/emotional excess/noise was being allowed by some presumably incompetent parent.
As I rounded the corner to the restrooms, after walking almost half the length of that part of the terminal hearing the powerful little lungs sending out temper and rage, I came to the source herself. A little being in overalls - about 2 years old - lay roaring and kicking on the carpet near the wall behind the escalator.
As I was passing near them, the screaming stopped-as abruptly as if a switch had been flipped. The little one lifted her head, looked up at the mom who asked, in a sweet, loving voice, " Are you finished now, honey?" The little ones face broke into a huge, beaming grin as she shyly but energetically nodded her head. All the while, a steady stream of glaring, outraged head-shakers passed by unnoticed by either of the two.
I was totally captivated by the whole experience; amazed by the love, courage, comfort with self and emotions that seemed involved in mothering that way. I felt awed by what I had witnessed, filled with a sense of wonder at how different that child's world was (and would be) from what I and most everyone in my world have known. I found myself wishing we had all been given such open, accepting space for being all of ourselves; for feeling all of our feelings as they were happening inside of us; for knowing that expressing our feelings could be safe and okay; for discovering that feelings, felt, do resolve into other feelings.
Leaving the restroom, I passed the mother diapering her child on the fold-down baby station. The two of them were laughing and being silly together. I stopped to share with the woman how deeply moved I was by her calm patience as she so lovingly stood letting her child's temper run itself out; how amazing it was to watch her do that while so many people walked by "Harrumphing," imparting the judgments of our culture.
The woman smiled, shrugged her shoulders and said, simply, "What else is there to do?"
Over the years, the experience has become my favorite teaching story about feelings: about how they really are; about how we might be with and what we might do with and about them if we are to heal our selves into wholeness. About the terrible and false messages we've all been given about them by our culture. And, about how profoundly our beings have been damaged/stunted by those messages.
Feelings are a natural part of being human, living in a body. They come in response to our inner and outer experiences of the present moment, in response to memories of past experiences evoked by/in the present moment and, often, in response to our anticipation of moments yet to come.
We don't need to know why we're feeling what we're feeling in order to have the feeling. (We don't even have to know what we're feeling in order to feel it!) There's no way a feeling can itself be "wrong" or "bad" (although we may feel badly). A feeling just is.
And, it's always a lie when anyone (including your own critical self) tells you "You can't possibly be feeling (fill-in-the-blank) about that!" or "You have no reason to be feeling that way," or "You shouldn't feel so (fill-in-the-blank)."
Feelings of any sort don't go on forever. When we can give ourselves safe, protected space and our own permission to just feel whatever we're feeling, it does run a course. Often, this takes longer than we (and others around us) may think it should.
As we practice engaging with each feeling and its energy in our consciousness and in our bodies; as we find ways to release its intensity (by crying, drawing, writing, yelling, stomping, banging etc.) and ways to comfort ourselves in the midst of the storm, each particular experience of grief, sadness, rage, terror does come to an end.
Sometimes it comes to an end because we're exhausted! Other times because we've exhausted the feeling for the time, felt our way through it.
Each time we can break the cultural taboo against taking our feelings seriously, feeling them for as long as we feel them, we reclaim more of our natural wholeness.
Be really gentle with yourself as you practice feeling your feelings
P.S. So many of your delicious e-mails send appreciations for the affirmation, support and nourishment you receive from the site. When I answer them, I don’t always remember to let you know that having your own deck of the Rememberings and Celebrations cards is a way to bring this same loving voice into your everyday world, to have it at hand as you need to remind yourself of the "real" truth moment to moment in the crazimakingness of the so-called real world!
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The card on this page is part of a set of 64 handcolored bookmark-size cards called the Rememberings and Celebrations deck. They can be used as an oracle, a meditation focus or a "book-in-pieces" to kindle and grow a compassionate, gentle, unconditionally loving, fiercely protective inner-Mother to help you carve safe healing space for your emerging self and for the wounded little ones inside.
If you'd like a deck of your very own to support you in your journey, click here to download Order Form.
Please feel free to e-mail me at rposin@hotmail.com. to share your reflections and responses to any or all of what you find here . I'd really like to hear what touches and nourishes you!
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